he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
