i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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