so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
