It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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