i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
