I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
