Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
