oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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