I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
