My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cannot find my penis.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
