Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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