Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
