I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
