Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
