I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
