I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
