Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
