??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
