before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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