So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
