you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
