dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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