ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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