Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
