he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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