did you get engaged???
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
