Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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