This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
