I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
