My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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