Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
