he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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