I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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