could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
