he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
