Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
