She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
