So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
