I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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