Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
