All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its not stalking. its research.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
