dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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