We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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