Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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