You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
