Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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