It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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