If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
