I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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