Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
