Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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